Dorothy’s Whole30: Days 26-30

I suppose I should start off with some somber music before I dive into what I’m about to tell you. Go ahead and click play, adjust your speakers or headphones, and allow the music to enhance your reading experience. I’ll wait.

All set? Have I selected the song due to the Whole30 being over? Yes and no – it’s over … but it was over earlier than it should have been. It’s time to put on the Big Girl Pants and talk to you readers like the adult with free-will that I am …

On Day 26, Jeanie and I had reservations with the boys for Restaurant Week. RESTAURANT WEEK, PEOPLE! Of course when I accepted the invitation, the thought was to go and enjoy a nice steak with veggies, remaining compliant to the program through the few remaining days. The reality of it is … by Friday I had absolutely had it. Shit had been hitting the fan at work all week, I was sick of not enjoying my weekends the way I wanted to, I was working out more and harder, and I just wanted to be able to make my own decisions about what I was or wasn’t putting in my body without referring to a set of rules. It was Day 26, and I had lost 16 pounds – the same amount it had taken me 60 days to lose during our first and second trysts with the Whole30 combined. I felt great – and I’d be damned if I wasn’t going to enjoy the one night out I would have during Restaurant Week this summer. Jeanie and I conspired against the timeline and decided: There Will Be Wine … and maybe dessert.

Now before you start rioting and chasing after me with torches, hear me out. I learned lessons from this. Isn’t life supposed to be full of lessons? Live and learn … that’s what they tell us.

When we first got to the restaurant and sat down, I swore all three of my cohorts to secrecy. Denton had been taunting me that he would be commenting on the blog about my discretion when I forewarned him of the wine. I glared at them all and said, “There will be NO MENTION of this to ANYONE, right?” Jeanie grabbed the wine list and raised her eyebrow at me. We had a fabulous dinner. Banned ingredients abound, plenty of wine to go around.

The next day I dragged Denton out of bed to go to Body Pump, and he was rewarded with another meal out – we met Jeanie and John for Restaurant Week lunch at another spot. So much for my sole discretion of the week. Two cocktails and a slice of coconut cake later (there was steak in between) we were off on a shopping spree for gym clothes and the like. I felt like I was going to have to curl up on the floor of the dressing room and nap, or maybe catch a few z’s underneath a register while the clerk was scanning in all my finds. The alcohol and the gluten absolutely knocked me out, so much so that even a 4 P.M. coffee from Starbucks didn’t keep me awake past 10:30 once I got home. I had enjoyed my weekend up to that point, but I knew I would be paying for it.

On Sunday I got on the scale. I had gained back FOUR POUNDS. What?! From two lousy meals?! I voiced my disgust to Jeanie, who said that she too had seen the numbers going in the wrong direction. We decided then it was mostly dehydration and the weight would come off pretty easily as the next few days went by, and as I write this on Tuesday, we were right. I’m back down again after eating compliant for three days, drinking tons of water, and getting in my best Body Pump class ever yesterday.

I told Denton that I was pissed at myself for breaking the Whole30 early and had absolutely no motivation to write the post I had looming. I was planning on lying by omission and only talking about the good stuff I’d accomplished, so as not to admit failure or discourage anyone who might be reading while on their own Whole30 quest. And then he did it. He totally called me out over breakfast. “You know, it would be a lot more interesting for you to write about the fact that you decided to break your Whole30. Why don’t you just admit that you didn’t finish off the last four days?” I’m sure a horrified look crossed my face as I stared at him over my coffee mug. No. No, no, no, no, NO, I thought. “You should talk about the fact that you gained four pounds in a weekend rather than pretending you were perfect on your diet. It’s so much more real, that’s the point isn’t it?” he prodded, polishing off his eggs and green beans.


I will RARELY do this, so enjoy it, Denton. He. Was. Right. I HATE when he is right. SO MUCH HATE.

Jeanie and I are both determined to continue down the path of progress in the months to come. We have books to plow through, recipes to experiment with, new kitchen gadgets to share, classes to conquer and pounds to shed. We’re not going anywhere, but we’re not paleo picture perfect either. We hope that being honest with you doesn’t turn you off, rather that it strengthens our relationship with you. We’re regular people, this is real life … and sometimes we’re gonna make real bad decisions. C’est la vie.

So now you know the truth. This is the end of Whole30 … but the journey has only just started.

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Book hoarder. Red lipstick aficionado. Compulsive shopper. Crazy cat lady. Adores alliteration; couldn't give a @$%& about an Oxford Comma.

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