Whatever, I’m Getting Cheese Fries

i KiD, i KiD.

Whole30 Day 12 and right on schedule with this godforsaken timeline. This thing is so on point, it scares me. All I want is a damn drive-thru (ah-ah don’t correct me, not through, THRU) cheeseburger. No, not a W30 burger with a fried egg of top and lots of toppings over lettuce with mustard vinaigrette. With cheese! ON A ROLL! *gasp*

Did you hear me, Hartwigs?! I want my dairy baaack!

I guess I could be in between phases, as a review of the timeline places my current state of mind smack dab in the middle of  “The Hardest Days” (when you just want to give up and give in to your cravings phase) and “Boundless Energy” (when you’re still craving like crazy but bouncing off the walls because SOMETHiNG iS WORKiNG phase). I know … “this too shall pass.” It really needs to start passing though … immediately if not sooner. Sometimes I think “Kill All The Things!” (self-explanatory phase) doubles up with many of my other phases … then I remember I just have a hot-blooded Italian temper and thank my boyfriend for being a patient man.

One of the side-effects of my current phase is dreaming, believe it or not. I’m simultaneously thankful I haven’t experienced the same vivid dreams I did last round, and also waiting for them to creep up on me. Who knows if they will, I skipped over the headaches entirely this time. But the dreams … they’re so real and so intense, I literally woke up sweating and with my heart racing on multiple occasions thinking all my hard work was for naught. I thought you might enjoy the following experience from my first Whole30 (20 JAN, Day 7, Round 1), so I copied and pasted from our Secret Squirrel Support Group on Facebook:

Ladies, I have a confession. Last night I went to 2 of the best bakeries in the world. One was known for their sugary baked good concoctions, and the other strictly for warm, fresh amazing bread. I made purchases at both. At the sweets bakery, the little man behind the counter offered me a gluten and sugar free item with pecans on top … I told him to shove his pecans where the sun don’t shine and give me the biggest glaze-covered apple fritter he had in the case. I went across the street to the bread bakery and bought the most incredible smelling loaf of Italian bread I have ever laid eyes on. It had the perfect density and balance of fluffiness/crust. I hopped in my car, parked under an abandoned overpass and devoured every bit of carb in my possession, including the crumbs on my sweater, knowing full well I had just said SUCKITWHOLE30 with sugar and bread falling from my mouth. Then I woke up.

No joke. It’s horrible when these dreams come on, because you’re at the point where the newness of the diet has faded and you’re (probably) not as motivated as when you started … and more likely to throw in the towel. You’ll think you actually did until the morning fog clears from your brain, I assure you. I know I’M not motivated in the least tonight. The LAST THiNG I want to do right now is walk into the kitchen and make dinner. It’s 8:30 and I’m still blogging … procrastination much? But I know I need to refuel my body properly after Zumba tonight, and I have a hungry boy coming home from work soon … so … Whatever, I’m Making Stuffed Peppers.


*Header photo credit: Thought Catalog

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Book hoarder. Red lipstick aficionado. Compulsive shopper. Crazy cat lady. Adores alliteration; couldn't give a @$%& about an Oxford Comma.

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